Sometimes it is very difficult to follow through with being a bitch. Almost like your heart is in the right place but the sun happens to be shining and therefore, behaving badly doesn’t want to exist.
It is during those moments when the lilacs are in full bloom and decorating the air with a scent sent down from the Gods…that WE all must hold fast. Hang on tight to, yes I am an asshole and I never claimed to be nice.
Some say you create fewer wrinkles by smiling. I say, piss in their happy cup of lemonade and only the good die young.
Not to say you can’t donate to the passing bucket O Donation for the local cause. However, it is certainly within a BITCH’s right to ask; where is my fair share?I hate the world today
You’re so good to me
I know but I can’t change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I’m an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you’d be so confused
I don’t envy you
I’m a little bit of everything
All rolled into one
I’m a bitch, I’m a lover
I’m a child, I’m a mother
I’m a sinner, I’m a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I’m your hell, I’m your dream
I’m nothing in between
You know you wouldn’t want it any other waySo take me as I am
This may mean
You’ll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I’m going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won’t mean a thingJust when you think, you got me figured out
The season’s already changing
I think it’s cool, you do what you do
And don’t try to save meI’m a bitch, I’m a tease
I’m a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I’m your angel undercover
I’ve been numb, I’m revived
Can’t say I’m not alive
You know I wouldn’t want it any other wayI’m a bitch, I’m a tease
I’m a goddess on my knees
Tag Archives: Facebook
Take A Look at My Girlfriend
Bad Donut
The Girl Friend (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Ode to Ambien/Annie and her bad bag of tricks!
Take a look at my girlfriend
She’s the only one I got
Not much of a girlfriend
Never seem to get a lot
Take a jumbo across the water
Like to see America
See the girls in California
I’m hoping it’s going to come true
But there’s not a lot I can do
Could we have kippers for breakfast
Mummy dear, mummy dear
They got to have ‘em in Texas
‘Cause everyone’s a millionaire
I’m a winner, I’m a sinner
Do you want my autograph
I’m a loser, what a joker
I’m playing my jokes upon you
While there’s nothing better to do
Don’t you look at my girlfriend
She’s the only one I got
Not much of a girlfriend
Never seem to get a lot
Playin’ My Jokes upon You… while there’s nothing easier to do!
Tampon Instructions Needed
Rise Up! The System Is Broken! (Photo credit: watchingfrogsboil)
“Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.” by Woody Allen.
Open the package, Mum, open the package…I want to see what’s inside.
My Adopt-A-Mother told I had been allergic to tampons at a young age. Something to do with my genetic make-up or dirty women wear those filthy things…
Not really sure which.
My concern had been modeling naked?
How would I address that situation?
I don’t want to point out the obvious but if there is no stone to hold back the dam…the waters run free…if you know what I mean.
Now as an adult, I feel I can make those important feminine hygiene product decisions on my own.
I want to branch out. Not scented. Not slender. Not dyed to be toxic. Something simple…
So I came across bio-degradable tampons yet not quite the small triumphant for ambiguous Ambien Grace…As I had hoped.
How is the whole thing done?
You know what it come with instructions!
‘never gonna get it!’
Must go…there are words I don’t get and need to Google.
Thank Christ for pictures!
Ma and Pa Kennels
…spent hundreds on flowers for her to arrive on a random day…Fuck Penny!
She wasn’t trustworthy. She didn’t always think of me. And, I didn’t know what to do because she was the best thing in my life.
The trials and tribulations of finding that one true love by an empty heart often times leads to the truth. Like pulling a Band-Aid off quick instead of waiting for the slow burn.
I spent five long agonizing months uncovering the aimless young adult from Concord, New Hampshire. Waiting for the first move and avoiding the bad sex.
Being married to a woman of depth, the shallow pool that lay before me seemed very murky and covered in bias.
That first day at work, you jumped up on the trunk of your car and patted a place on the trunk next to you. There was supposed to be training done…you wanted to train me in other ways.
You wanted me to sit next to you and have a cigarette.
So, I did.
See, even than I was well trained
Then you told me about the rapes, the bad relationships, and the mistreatment from girlfriends, your mother and Penny.
Every little sordid detail you told me
Then you asked me what I thought you should do.
Than you went away on Vacation with Mommy Dearest and your father-Martha’s Vineyard, I think it was. You sent me pictures of you in a bikini!
You asked to be friends on Facebook in between and I knew from that you had other intentions. You said, you had been creeping on me.
You told me that Mark and Kevin both teased you because they said you had a crush on me
I tried to hook you up with Steph because you needed to get laid…. Course, there was the buzzing me up front when you didn’t need me and the avoiding of running the desk so you could spend time in the kennels with me…showing me your other profession, posing naked. You cornered me in a pen with a naked picture of your ass. I wonder what the department of worker’s rights would think about that.
Then you giggled.
Then the chase was on. The buying of the morning coffees, the texts saying, ‘hey, guess what I have on under my shirt?’
My patented response: I give, what?
‘Nothing!’
The next stage of exhibition came:
‘Guess what? I don’t have any underwear on.’
The best ideas are those with a storyline. Still happily married, the hunt remains ON. The Gracie’s, the Ambien’s, the Annie’s and the WTF continue with the passing of each politically mistaken day.
Ambien Grace…the truth unplugged
Hometown Hero
Though marketed to heterosexual men, lesbian pulp fiction provided an identity to isolated women in the 1950s. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
‘does not play well with others..’
Who knew?
The bully up in the classroom? The rapist lurking ’round the crevices of Whitamore Stadium? The brick and mortar that made up the fine privileges of the privileged few at UNH?
Did Beckett Couvillion know I was a lesbian? Probably, he’s always been the smarter of the two of us.
My birth mother Josie, she knew. She said these exact words to me. Well, honestly, she messaged me but you get the idea.
“Ambien, if your other mother finds out you’re getting around with a married woman, she’ll kill her or throw her in jail.”
My best friend knew. Not sure which best friend it was at the time, I’ve had so many, but I told the whole friend community on Facebook. Worked like a charm once I used Friend Finder.
Friends, true and blue until the end. Or, until I decide to quit drinking!
Everyone knew but po’ ole Mother Theresa. I can see her sitting behind her speechless with the pathology of unwarranted hatred, desk, right now. Wanting to go for a jog! Wanting to find me a suitor, boned in! Chomping at the bit and hoping that this whole sordid affair didn’t get publicized via UNH trash talk.
I wish I could have told her sooner. As it was, I was called disgusting, unlovable and despicable. Nevermind Kate. Theresa was ready to get the Father Floyd Calvary out!
Fuck, that would have been a sight. Father Floyd embodied by over the top beer and fattening foods and in this corner, Kate. Middle aged lesbian with an attitude and a ‘does not play well with others’ way of dealing with the world.
Hands down, Kate would kick some might white and tighty whitey’s butt. If Floyd didn’t have that whole missing testes thing going on Kate probably would have served those up to her ruthless but proud Heinz 57 mutt.
No matter, I’m not really gay. I just play a lesbian on the short-circuit TV that runs through my stout and not out frame.
May is coming up soon. So long Virginia. Along comes a break from volunteering to clean up water fountains at the local park and I’m right smack dab in the ‘when are you going to grow up’ land once again.
Fuck Kate. The whole thing was a set up. I know she wanted Zoey first. I just happened to be more desperate looking. More worthy of her ‘set the phobia’s not straight’ writer’s quest she’d been on.
So, the book will come out. The nudity will leave many readers in awe and asking themselves, ‘I’m not so obese after all, am I?’
The sexual depravity in the woods, up the butt, tied up, spanked and yanked will be on the cover of the Concord Monitor.
‘Your Hometown Hero, Ambien Grace’
Shit, ‘ya, bring it on.
