Laugh while You’re Bleeding

Woman in Mind

So it is true that the human condition…which indeed should be a plural for we have many maintained by mayhem and maladies maladjusted disorders.
We all want things we can’t have.
Young wish to grow older. The older wish to be younger. Those who are shy wish to indulge just once. Those who are jaded continue to yearn for their innocence back.
A question to pose?
If you do not try something at least once…how is it that you know it is something you do not want?
I knew I was gay from the get go. As soon as my dreams filled with Wonder Woman and I aspired to be a Charlie’s Angel…or at least, bed one down, the curtain had gone down on any lingering thoughts of heterosexuality.
Yet, try as I may, I endured several heterosexual relationships. Mostly due to the fact that the only good drug dealers around happened to be men…other than one very hair woman with sideburns named Fay.
I batted for the other team and came up with many men scratching their heads and striking out. But I tried!
So, now I know, this is really not what I want. I prefer an INSY not an OUTSY.
I lived, I learned, I listened and I went after something I didn’t have.
Some call it shameful. Many believe it to distort my truth. However, the most honest people I know have given their unanswered questions a go around. And, learned we all deserve to take the chances we see.

She can kill with a smile
She can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child
But she’s always a woman to me

She can lead you to love
She can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth
But she’ll never believe
And she’ll take what you give her as long as it’s free
Yeah, she steals like a thief
But she’s always a woman to me

[Chorus:]
Oh, she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She’s ahead of her time
Oh, and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind

She will promise you more
Than the Garden of Eden
Then she’ll carelessly cut you
And laugh while you’re bleedin’
But she’ll bring out the best
And the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself
Cause she’s always a woman to me

life only hurts when you land not when you fall

life only hurts when you land not when you fall

Oh, she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She’s ahead of her time
Oh, and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind

She is frequently kind
And she’s suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases
She’s nobody’s fool
But she can’t be convicted
She’s earned her degree
And the most she will do
Is throw shadows at you
But she’s always a woman to me

An Unclean Woman in the Hand…

still waters need to be stirred...at least twice a day

still waters need to be stirred…at least twice a day

So, as summer progressed, not quite a year ago. A following and routine had transpired my dull and mundane job of reviewing bed breakfast items for a poorly run newspaper…
My once un-chaotic and patented life became transfixed on the HOMOPHOBIC lesbian undercover as my real life boss.
What was a gal to do? After all and pay attention to the details, this is how I saw things without rose-colored glasses on:
-Book about to be published, no real genre or plot for next middle of the road offering from my unpolished mind.
-Constant disdain for those who turn the worlds of others into their playground with their vain attempts of being ‘cool’.
-Never a follower, I had always stayed to the thicket and managed to veer off the road when it came to life.
-Un-politically correct in a liberal politically correct sort of way, forty years of trying to make Bless the Freaks a common household term and disavowing those with silver Ben n Jerry Ice Cream Scoops up their mindless souls had led my intentions and conflictions.

aint' much of a girlfriend...never seem to get along.

aint’ much of a girlfriend…never seem to get along.

Yup, I had been ready for the plight of the flight of the anti-hero and non avenger Ambien/Annie Grace.
Hard as it was…it really was not all that difficult to set the ball of bias formed into a twenty-two year old stout frame, rolling. The ‘edgy writer’ caught the fray of the apron string Ambien/Annie could not let go. And, well, as the saying goes, I sat back and enjoyed the ride.
The sex? Well, it was no surprize the young lass had turned other admirer’s to stone. She had no rhythm and certainly, her romantic side seemed like a bad nursery rhyme.
First time, the boss’s desk at work. Had there been any concern for ‘getting caught in the act’? Nope, I was with the boss.
Obstacle? Just one and I suffered with that particular ’pre pubescent pain’ for five months…Our young and fearless leader had only known one form of sexual position…masturbating herself into a frenzy.
One sided fuckin’ is really and quite naturally for the birds. But for the sake of the storyline I endured a lasting and constant lump in the middle of the throat. Akin to wanting to throw up but you just can’t bring yourself to do it.
The first session with the dog whisperer Ambien/Annie Grace and her companion Beckett Couvillion the third-overbred rich dog, just about knocked the wind out of my salient sails.
“Can I do this…I wondered to myself…this will be nothing but pure taunting sexual torture and not the fun kind, mind you.”
However, after the hour-long session on the desk slowly faded into my not lover’s response of ‘I’ll try better next time.’
She stigmatized me with her family history of bigotry, bias, badly behaved state professors and unnatural affection toward family members.
On second thought, I think I can hang on for a bit longer and so I did. With a bad taste in my mouth and the scent of an unclean woman on my hands, I awaited my next assignment.

An Affair to Not Remember

stand your ground and inquire...even the simplest of creatures understand this

stand your ground and inquire…even the simplest of creatures understand this

Ask a forty-five year old that you happen to be having daily, sometimes hourly, sex with…have you been in the same bed with your wife?
When you get…no, I haven’t!
Do not, I say, do not, just leave it at that.
Inquiring minds should want to know and ask the falling more in-depth and less dyed to be blonde trivial questions.
Are you sleeping in the same bed at all?
Do you still kiss? At all?
Are you having sex with her now that we are having sex?
Have you had affairs before?
And, the number one question that every nimble minded laced up on Trazodone and Melatonin cocktails wanna be like everyone else debutant of waste, should be referring to:
How can you marry me when you are still married?
Honestly now, and this is a little out of the ordinary because an exhaustive study was being conducted on Just How Ignorantly Obtuse Twenty-Something’s are.
But even I back in the day. Mind you, I am a true blonde. No dyes, just naturally missing on some cylinders. Yet, on acid and higher than a kite on a windy day, something would have led me to thinking: something is missing from these basics of being schooled 101!
My research rat is down in Virginia trying to make this world a better place for you and me. Probably singing, ‘somewhere over the rainbow…dreams come true.’
However, my rap sheet has always been womanizer, womanizer, and womanizer…How do you know an addict is lying…their lips are moving.

Mean people suck
So I digress and say to the Ambien Graces with Beckett Couvillion the third stunt dog doubles; no I didn’t always sleep in the same bed as my wife…sometimes we fucked on the futon and fell asleep there.
You’re a heartless bitch you know that!?
I love you and you tell me this
Because you know I still care about you. I told you my fear was you leaving me for Kris and you tell me you had sex with her!
Didn’t take you fucking long!
I don’t want anything now. I was hoping that maybe when I’m ready to be the right person for you when I get back we can start over but now I don’t.

Shit, if I were really honest, I would have said, yes, when asked, are you more interested in my skinny friend.

Diaries of a Sex Addict

Orgasm Addict

Orgasm Addict (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Excerpt from the taunting sex tales of ambiguity amongst Gracie Willams of the world:

I like it when someone’s full weight is on me when I give myself an orgasm. It amuses me and my ego when someone gets off watching me get off. Almost like letting someone see the real you and than pulling the curtain shut!
ha-ha just wait till you get me to orgasm its weird looking ha-ha-ha! I contort, shake and my face gets puffy and swollen. A sight to scare the sexual-ness out of any formidable lover.
I just can’t get my body to relax when I’m fucking someone. Some have come close to giving me what I want…but than I just drift away to my own little world.

I have fucked over 220 times in a matter of four or five months. And, it was all the same thing.
I don’t know how many times I’ve used these lines. To me it’s just another day not in paradise:

...this isn't Beckett Couvillion...

…this isn’t Beckett Couvillion…

…you don’t have to make me orgasm to make me happy.

…you get me weak in the knees when your in me, you give me goose bumps, you get my nipples hard

…your doing so much better than anyone I’ve have slept with

…you are doing everything right, its me

…I think I have a back of the mind fear of letting myself go

And, so it goes to Kate the psycho-bitch and my pleas for pleasing:

…no body has ever gotten that close with me. you made my body feel amazing. I can still feel the essence of your fingers in me and your shoulder and head on my stomach pulling your finger in and out of me

…you made me extremely happy….until we got caught by the police and then I was disappointed ha-ha

I adore it when it’s rough. I feel I deserve it. I witness my mother’s stoic head looming above my love victims. I hear her same old song and dance…Ambien, no one will ever love you. You are unlovable.
Sex, sex and more wonton, sex. The volunteering has put some showers on the self-love. However, late at night when I turn my anger inwards, I find myself taking care of my own business, like nobody’s business. Who knows? Maybe, a Brittany, Amber, Mercedes or Jeremy might want to just sit and watch.
It’s so hard to find good help now a days!

Lesbian Wardrobe 4 Sale! Cheap!

my Mum forbids thoughts of reckless individuality

my Mum forbids thoughts of reckless individuality

Long Distance Love Note to Mother Theresa

How to be a Homophobic Lesbian
1. Wear non-earth tone colors. Preferably, pink, chartreuse, grammar school bathroom green and/or any purple you can find.
2. Have continuous unprotected sex with males and brag about it to your mother.
3. Run away and join the circus, the armed forces or volunteer with other large young adults to do the next right thing for America.
4. Pursue your mother’s passions not your own. Conform. Conform. Conform.
5. Have your mother braid your hair and pick/buy your clothes for you. Remember she has been a practicing heterosexual homophobe ideals much longer than you have.
6. See life as a box and do not step out of it with any ideas such as; originality, individuality and attempts at questioning authority.
7. Boost and boast about your sexual triumphs with men and disregard the failed attempts at being gay…perhaps, it was just a passing phase.
8. Become frumpy and dumpy and hope that no one notices the weight you’ve gained while transitioning over to heterosexual land.
9. Take a boat load of meds and nude photos of yourself. Remember bad publicity is better than none at all.
10. Last and certainly, not least, the only true love you will ever have for women will be your overbearing mother. The relationship maybe as close to ‘sexual’ that you will ever have without having to be who you truly are.
In my case, the flannel, the work boots, the thermals, the episodes of porn with women on women need to be tossed away. I’ve learned to bat my eye lashes, which are in need of waxing, and boost my biggest asset in hopes of attaining non innovative thoughts, my breasts. Every man loves a woman with swollen breasts. At least, that is what mother Theresa has told me.

Thank You for your time, you’ve all been so much more than kind-

Ambien, the Annie C., Grace